“16.5 is 14.5.”
When those words came out of Dave Castro’s mouth, one word came out of mine.
“Fuck.”
I was now doomed to repeat the one workout I swore I would never do again.
Fuck indeed.
Any CrossFitter that participated in the 2014 CrossFit Open will undoubtedly remember 14.5. The workout contained only two movements, thrusters and burpees, but the amount of work was incredible. 84 total repetitions of each movement.
I don’t think it hyperbole to say that my 14.5 WOD was the most physical anguish I have ever been in. I won’t say it’s the most pain I’ve ever been in, because pain is mental as well as physical… But yeah definitely the most physical discomfort I’ve ever willingly subjected myself.
My 14.5 recap in all its Star Wars-y glory can be found here.
Just scrolling through the photos brings a chill down my spine. Those photos of agony on the floor once the workout was done, and the photo which perfectly encapsulated the struggle of that day.
But now I see something else in those photos. (go look at the photos if you skipped over that link!)
I see a body that I no longer recognize.
Sure, I’m still a slim dude, but I’m not as skinny. Sure, I’m not a strong guy, but I’m not as weak.
That makes me wonder… I can’t see my brain, but… Have I acquired greater mental fortitude in the past two years?
It’s no secret that I’m struggling in my life right now. A lot of my struggles are inside my own head… with the help of a few important outside factors. I feel myself going crazy some days… and that’s a feeling I hate.
Thinking back to 14.5 day… I was in a pretty good head place. I remember later that day… the day was good. Life was pretty good for a while back then.
Now… I’m lost.
But… I think I’m beginning to find my way again. I’m learning to let go of things I can’t control and to hope for the best. If things work out the way I want them to, then they are meant to be.
Life isn’t always smooth sailing. That’s what gives life its spice. I’ve had just about enough spice lately though, I could use some bland.
Life is hard. Life hurts.
14.5 was hard. 16.5 will hurt.
But… perhaps 16.5 will hurt a little less than before. Perhaps life will begin to hurt a little less than recent past. Sure, the workout will still be awful and of course some days will still hold more bad than good. I’m just wanting the pendulum to swing in the positive direction.
We are never truly prepared for life’s big surprises. However, sometimes we do get to learn from the past – whether the past be mistakes or simply experiences. I’ve always been good at remembering and applying useless information, but I seem to struggle with matters of substance regarding my past knowledge to present events.
Many times life doesn’t give us second chances. When things end… they end. And if something ends, it usually means it ended badly… if it is something you cared about.
14.5 was and is the worst, hardest, most brutal workout I’ve ever done. Perhaps an improvement on 16.5 will dull some of the scars and memories of those awful 84 thrusters and burpees. Perhaps with my second chance at this beast, I’ll do better.
Heartbreak and depression are hard and brutal. Perhaps I will listen to others and myself and finally learn from my mistakes. Perhaps with a second chance, I’ll do better.
Do better. I need to just do better.
To all those out there who remember the horror of 14.5… just do better with 16.5.
To all those out there who will be experiencing this suck for the first time… it will hurt. But the hurt will subside.
To all those out there who are given second chances… be grateful. Do better.
Hey life… give me a second chance. I’ll do better. I promise.
And hey Dave Castro… fuck you.
Your turn -> Do you learn from your past or are you generally doomed to repeat?
Yes. That was my reaction to 16.5. People thought 15.5 was bad, but for me 14.5 represents one of my low points in CrossFit.
Like, I’m freakin terrified.
And I think one of the reasons is because I’m afraid I will actually do worse than the first time.
I don’t know why I would, but…
So, yes. That’s my goal. Just to better. Great post. I’m very happy someone understands how horrible this workout was at the time.
Yeah I would rather do 15.5 ANYDAY over 14.5. I mean I had only been CrossFitting for like 2 months so that was way more than I should’ve been expected to handle, and there was no scaled division then. 38 minutes, lots of pain, the darkest workout induced head place I’ve ever been. Brutal. And I’ll do better. You will too. I just hope I don’t start thinking about 2 years ago during the WOD.
Agreed. 15.5 would have been SO much better, even though it still sucked a lot too.
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First and foremost: HI! I was so glad to see you post. One of the first things I did when I saw the announcement was search for your 14.5 recap, knowing you always keep it real. I knew it wasn’t pretty and I know 16.5 will be brutal, but I love your outlook on it. I’m glad things are looking up for you and know they will continue to. You will be better on 16.5 because you already have such wisdom and perspective. Keep on keepin on!!!
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Hey thanks Kim, that was such a friendly comment! =) You’re right, 16.5 will be better. And then hopefully life will get better. It has to. Good luck on your final 2016 Open WOD!
Go get it Chris! 14.5 was and still is 1 of the worst workouts I’ve put myself through, I’ve redone it twice since that day in 2014 and each time fared better than before…today on 16.5 I got to experience a little regression…still MUCH better than my 2014 score but off my pace for my best…feeling the burn for sure but may actually give it another go, not for anything other than the self satisfaction of beating my old self from 2 months ago. Hoping that this 1 brings you a result that puts things in perspective and helps in your healing with your current struggles. I know I along with your entire reader base are cheering for you to kick this workout in the ass! 3-2-1 GO!
Mike, man… thank you. You’re an animal for repeating that beast on your own! I’m certain I’ll crush my 2014 time. I hope that I feel the whole perspective thing, that I don’t put too much weight into just one workout but also that I can appreciate what has happened in 2 years. It’ll be an experience. It’s weird to talk about a workout like that… but for those of us that understand, it makes perfect sense. Again… thank you for your support, it truly means a lot.
You can do it (again)! It might not be as bad as you remember. I did 16.5 yesterday and am happy to have survived the 2016 season.
Hey Kait! Well… it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. Still bad! But not as bad. Congrats on the season and I plan on reading through each of your workouts on your blog in the very near future!
hey Chris!
never commented any of your posts, but have been reading for a while. I got here looking for a blog about crossfit, stayed because of the humanity that you manage to convey with each and every one of your posts. Life is not being the kindest to me either lately, and sometimes even getting out of bed in the mornings seems too big of a challenge, but somehow your outlook on things (even arguably minor ones like a WOD, in this case) makes me feel better and more hopeful. Just thought I’d let you know.
Anyway, did 16.5 yesterday for the first time ever. Never thought I’d get through it in one piece, but I did. Not a pretty performance by any means, but hey – I did it. I think I can be happy with that.
Hang in there man, you readers are cheering for you (both in and outside the box). Looking forward to read about the aftermath!
Thank you so much for your continued reading and support, and I’m really glad you choose to say hello! Anyone that completes this workout, regardless of the outcome… just finishing is champion material in my book for real. I hope life starts smiling on both of us soon! And yeah keep checking back this week for details of all the Open workouts! =)
We watched the announcement and then went straight into it (it was 8am in Aus)… I had the same reaction as you “fuck” and then I put my head in my hands. 14.5 was awful the first time and I did a scaled version of scaled then…. But this time, I was actually signed into the open and did it scaled, 50% heavier than the last time I did it.
Was I happy with the result? Well, I did it faster and at a heavier weight but those damn burpees just floored me. But I think that’s me just being hard on myself and not focussing on the good. I did do better.
I hope it went well for you Chris 🙂
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Hey Jen, wow going right into it… perhaps that would be the better way rather than worry about it and feel sick over it for days before attempting haha. You should write a post and give us a recap of your Open! Congrats on the faster time and heavier weight… quite the accomplishment!
Welcome back. Is it the CrossFit games to which we owe this pleasure? Whatever the case may be, it’s nice to see you in my feed and in my comments.
Life is one big roller coaster ride and so long as you’re willing to stay on it, there will be eventually highs to offset those lows. Hang in there and good luck on 16.5. I say go kick the crap outta that thing.
You’ve pretty much got it. It’s the CrossFit Open, which is a precursor to the Games. The Open is an open competition where anyone can compete aka do the same workouts as everyone else in the world. So yeah, that brought me back. Plus… it was time to write again. I’ve got too much in my head to not have a way to outlet, and this gave me an ‘excuse’ to start again. =)
Welcome back!!!
I’m not sure what happened but I didn’t see any of your posts from this Month till today – now I have 4 – so glad you are back and yet, so sorry for the hurt you are going through – am assuming it’s more than the physical hurt from 16.5. Whatever it maybe – hang in there Chris – it will get better.
In most arenas of my life, am pretty good at learning from my mistakes – but when it comes to the “Relationship” arena – I tend to make the same mistakes over and over…one of these days I’ll learn – I hope 🙂
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Dude. Shashi. Let’s not make any more mistakes. Let’s just stop trying and let people discover us for the treasures that we are.