It’s my birthday.
I’ve been around for a third of a century.
Well… technically not quite, it would actually be in May to be truly a third of a century, but I digress.
I’m 33 today. Where has the time gone?
If you’re here for something fitness related you can stop reading now. This post is a genuine attempt to explain where the heck I am in this crazy world.
Right now I’m sitting at my desk at home listening to the cold rain fall outside. Rain that will soon turn into ice and snow, rendering travel difficult at best and dangerous at worst.
I took a work assignment back at the end of July working at Watts Bar Nuclear Power Plant in the middle of freaking nowhere. My commute was about an hour each way. I was working 10 hour days. I left the house at 6 AM and didn’t return until usually around 8 PM.
That did include a trip to get my fitness on most days. Needless to say, that didn’t leave much time for anything else. Blogging was neglected along with most everything else.
I can’t blame my assignment solely for the lack of posts the past 8 months though.
I started taking anxiety medicine about a month before that assignment began. I call it anxiety medicine. Others call it depression medicine. In my case, I think they are one in the same.
I didn’t go on my annual vacation to my favorite place on earth. The sand and waves and freshest seafood didn’t rejuvenate me. That sucked.
Back to the meds… I definitely don’t feel as anxious anymore. And that’s good. But part of me thinks calming my mind has taken a little spark of life out of me. I don’t get excited about too many things now, and I mean that in a negative way. My passion has waned. This blog has suffered from that.
I still work out frequently, albeit maybe a little less. I’m still improving my times and weights, recently deadlifting 420 lbs and hitting my bodyweight clean. I still love CrossFit and can’t imagine doing anything else right now, but the honeymoon stage is over. I no longer desire to shout from the hilltops all the wonders of CrossFit. This blog has suffered from that.
In fact, I purchased the domain name chrismccune.com and who knows… maybe someday I’ll do something with that.
Because I still want to write. I still want to share my view of the world and help and inspire people. I want to continue this blog. But, sometimes I don’t want to write about CrossFit and that is what this space is. I can’t deviate from that. Star Wars would be whack if all the sudden the starship Enterprise showed up. Nope, can’t do it. Gotta stick to the script.
My life hasn’t been great for a while now. I acknowledge it and I do try to work on my situation, but I’m suffering setbacks.
In about a week I will probably be unemployed again. That’s causing some major anxiety and stress. Thank goodness for Xanax. But yeah, through no fault of my own, there just isn’t work for me to work on and work (lots of works, sorry) and that means I get the axe. Really sucks because my position was lined up for the career path I wanted for myself. Now bring on the stress of finding a new job. Ugh. Not looking forward to that.
If anyone wants to do something for me for my birthday, say a little prayer that I’ll keep my job.
I’m simply not in a good place right now with myself and I haven’t been for a while.
I’m sorry to put you through a post of me just going on about oh woe is me, but this helps. Thank you for reading.
Everything has suffered. My relationships have suffered. My fitness and health have suffered. My finances have suffered. This blog has suffered. Everything has suffered… people and things I love the most have suffered and that kills me.
I want to write here. I do feel bad to have just abandoned ifailedfran. This blog used to make me happy. I loved getting on here and sharing and reading your comment responses and interacting. But I can’t do it when I’m not whole. I can’t write when I’m not inspired and lately there are some days when I’m not inspired enough to even turn on the TV.
I am not going to commit to anything on here. Just know when I can write, I absolutely will write. Even if there is no one left around to read.
Have a drink for me today. I’ll be here sipping some hot chocolate. With Baileys, of course. Because… it’s my birthday.