Generally speaking, when we do something, we don’t envision it being the last time. When I workout, I don’t think that that is the last time I set foot in my box. When I write these blog posts, I don’t think well what if this is my last one. But… what if this is the last post I write? What if this post was the last thing you read? What if…
Yesterday the wod was Barbara – 5 rounds of: 20 pull-ups, 30 push-ups, 40 sit-ups, 50 squats – rest 3 minutes between each round. This was not my first time doing this body-weight benchmark. We had a 35-minutes time cap for the workout and, well, I wanted to finish. (hahahahaha!) Let’s just say I didn’t finish all 5 rounds in 35 minutes. Nope, not even close. I almost finished 4 rounds.
Not to make excuses, but maybe my sickness was still lingering a little, maybe my conditioning took a bigger hit than I previously thought, maybe it was just an off day… but after the wod I was upset with my performance. I failed, miserably, and not in a good way.
I was pissed. I was angry. I’ve been doing CrossFit almost a year. I should be stronger. I should be faster. I should be… better.
Why or how, I don’t know. But we won’t address that in this post. What we are going to address is the thought I had while watching THE Ohio State Buckeyes beat up on Oregon in the College Football National Championship Game last night.
What if that had been my last wod?
As in… ever. As in, I would never do a CrossFit wod again.
Damn. That would be a crappy way to end things. That’s the first thought that came to mind. How inglorious of an exit from my CrossFit career would that have been? I would not want my Barbara performance to be my last memory from CrossFit.
What would I want my last memory to be? Probably a big ol’ PR or crushing a wod and coming in first place, right? You want to end on the highest point possible, right? You want to go out like Rich Froning, back to back to back to back CrossFit Games champ, right?
Man, life just doesn’t usually work that way, does it?
Take Peyton Manning, fellow University of Tennessee alum. He lost his playoff matchup last weekend. His season is over. Sure, I was rooting for the guy, and I knew there was a chance that his team would lose. But never, not once, did the thought occur to me that THAT could have been Peyton’s last professional football game. Never did I think, holy shit, I better watch and savor these last few plays because that’s it, the end.
Do you think Miami Heat fans thought that was the last time they were going to see LeBron in South Beach last summer?
It’s extremely rare that we find a Derek Jeter scenario, hitting a game-winning ball on your last at bat at home. That just doesn’t happen.
Life is not a building crescendo, culminating in one final, epic climax. Life is more like an orbit – sometimes we’re at the zenith and sometimes we’re at the nadir.
Workouts, sports, life, death… usually not on our terms.
As The Sopranos taught us, you probably don’t even hear it when it happens, right?
You could be training and preparing all your life for something, some mammoth go-time moment… and that moment could pass before you even noticed it was there.
Wow. Think about it.
How would you workout if it was the last time you were going to touch a barbell? Would you lift like a maniac and go all-out like never before, or would you slow down and try and hit all the mechanics for a perfect lift?
How would you kiss the love of your life if it was the last time you would ever get to kiss them? Would you kiss them hard and passionately, eyes open so you could fully experience it, or would you peck them softly on the cheek and pretend that you’d get another chance?
How would you drive your car if it was the last time you would ever get to drive? Pedal to the floor adrenaline racing, windows down and music up, or would you drive slowly and quietly, savoring the rubber meeting the road?
What if you were drinking your last beer? Eating your last steak? Reading your last blog?
Not to depress you, but this is the point of this post: with every passing minute that ticks by, our lives are drawing to conclusion. An inevitable, terminal, permanent conclusion.
Life changes in the blink of an eye. Time goes on, unrelentingly. And time, time is undefeated; it always wins.
It would really suck if yesterday’s Barbara was my last wod. I don’t intend on it being my finale. But… it could be.
I came away from that wod full of negativity and anger. If I knew ahead of time it would be my last, I would have exited much differently.
Someday I’ll lift a weight or run a certain distance in a certain time… and I’ll never do better. Someday will be my best, according to those terms and those numbers. However, that isn’t a bad thing.
I talked in my last post about fear. I can’t go to tomorrow’s workout and fear that it is my last wod. No, if it is going to be my last, I must embrace it. I’ve got to grab it, tackle it, conquer it, whatever it takes but I also have to enjoy it.
This moment is the last moment before the next moment happens. Unless it’s the last moment. So, live your moment.
Live it. Live it hard. Live it fiercely. Live it and love it and kiss it and drive it and eat it and drink it and enjoy it.
All this is going to end someday. We probably won’t be ready for it. In the meantime, let’s soak it all up and drink it all in. Let’s get every last drop of life out of life.
Let’s go out in a blaze of glory, every time. ‘Cause you never know, it could be your last.
Your Turn -> How would you handle your last workout, if you knew it was your final one?