I wouldn’t call myself an average CrossFitter. If I’m being 110% honest, in my mind I am below average at CrossFit. There are times when I feel like such an oxymoron – me with this CrossFit blog when I’m really not that good at CrossFit. Why do I do this when half the things I post cause me some sort of embarrassment?
Here’s a fair warning – this post will probably ramble a bit. This is just me thinking out loud.
For being merely my fitness of choice, CrossFit sure does occupy many facets of my life. I spend time at my box. I write this CrossFit blog. I read articles and watch videos. Mobility. I devote chunks of my paycheck to new WOD gear. I interact with other CrossFitters on social media.
But, who am I to do all this? Who am I to share my story of my CrossFit journey when my journey is so mild?
Look at it this way. No one would watch “The Loser That Lost 15 Pounds While This Guy Lost Over 100”. No, it’s “The Biggest Loser”. No one would watch a sporting event to crown “The 69360th Fittest Person On Earth”. No, it’s “The Fittest Person On Earth”.
That makes me wonder… who the hell gives a damn about my CrossFitting?
I don’t have huge PRs. My metcon times are not blazing fast. No one will ever cheer when I take my shirt off.
In fact, I struggle with posting pictures and video on social media. I don’t have great technique. I’m not lifting massive weights. I don’t have an awesome physique. (Oh and let’s not forget I’m a huge introvert.) I’m, at the very best, average.
Who cares about average?
I absolutely am not looking for pity or a pat on the back, someone telling me that I’m good and special and blah blah blah. I know my place – I know I’m far from elite and will always remain that way. And most of the time, I’m totally cool with that. Participation ribbons are not part of life and I really do enjoy CrossFit, the community, everything about it.
99% of all feedback I get from this blog and from people at my box is positive and encouraging. I have written about my Open experience so far with 15.1 and 15.2. People gave me props for setting PRs in 15.1. I got lots of congrats for my improvement over 14.2 last year.
But the realist in me thinks yeah but you jerked such a light weight! You only managed 20 reps in 15.2! You call yourself a CrossFitter? You write a blog about CrossFit?!?
I don’t know how to turn those voices off. I’ve never had anyone tell me to shut up until I could lift some real weight. But, I hear it inside my head.
However, there is a definite dichotomy present in my mind; if I read about someone else going from 1 rep to 20 or for setting a bunch of personal records, I would absolutely cheer for them! I would offer them my congratulations and truly mean it when I said good job! Because that’s the CrossFit community, and even beyond CrossFit, that’s the person I am and I CAN see the success in those stories.
But coming from me, for myself… I don’t know. When I see myself or look at my records, I usually see the lacking first. I see the low scores and the light weights before I see progress or anything better than yesterday. I see the excess jiggle in my midsection and skinny arms over any strength assets.
So, what do I do? How do I look at myself in a better light? Should I even try to do that? Perhaps I should leave the camera at home, not worry about pictures, let this blog dwindle and die and just worry about myself privately. Because, really, who cares? Who is inspired by average?
Maintaining my 110% honesty policy with this post… my phone just notified me that someone left an IG comment of “Beast mode!!” on a photo of me doing a WOD. Like… really?? Why would they think I am anything remotely near beast mode? I’m like… pink pony mode. But I don’t think this person would say something just to blow smoke up my ass… do they really think what I did was beastly?
I just cannot see that.
I know people that can wake up and run a half marathon. Like normal people, not career athletes. Those people are beast mode! Literally, they can roll up to the starting line and say “I woke up like this.”
I feel like a false prophet on this blog at times, blaspheming about motivation and inspiration and working out when I know who I am and my abilities. I’m not always motivated. I’m average at best.
But then… what’s wrong with average? Doesn’t truly average mean that HALF of everyone I’m comparing myself to is “worse” than me? Does average have to be taboo, have to have a dark connotation? No! Of course not!
But… that’s not what I would tell myself. I would look at average strength tables and see that my lifts/times fall generally below average, even into the novice category. And yet I write a CrossFit blog. I present myself to the world and say “Hey, read all about me! Look at me! ME!!!”
I don’t think I would want to look at me.
I have no conclusion or message with this post. Just thoughts. Just truth. Thanks for reading all about me.
We really are our worst critic and when it comes to anything we do which we thing as doing ‘remotely well’ there will always be someone better in our eyes- Yet to many others, they look up to us for x or y. I think we are all guilty of it but it’s the acceptance but which once again, we all struggle with.
Sorry for leaving that beast mode comment. I’ll remember ‘pink pony’ next time. 😉
Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday Link Party #214
i so agree! i was just thinking that today. But chris, you’re a BEAST in my eyes. Same to you Arman.. buddy!
Look at me, I write a lot about CrossFit and quite a chunk of the time, I’m not even at scaled weight, never mind Rx. But you read my posts and your comments make me feel like I am strong, that I am in beast mode, that I am more than just average, or below CrossFitter. My community at CrossFit helps me to realise that numbers don’t mean everything – it’s the passion, drive, commitment and progress that do.
And that’s why we all read your blog, because you are honest, passionate, driven and committed – those numbers don’t define you – your actions do. 🙂
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…If you have something nice to say then say it!
This is what I love about the CF community though. We don’t have to be the stars for our peers to cheer us on, congratulate us on achievements and give us a high five at the end for a job well done. It’s a special sport for that single reason. Just like you do to so many others they are doing the same for you because you always cheer on family!
By the way, I’m totally going pink pony mode for 15.3 tomorrow – ponies are badass and just think of all the crap a pink one has had to put up with from the other ponies, he would definitely have a chip on his shoulder!
I have been reading here for a while and I enjoy this blog because you are relatable and honest. Sometimes people only share the good on social media. I can follow elite athletes and see their pictures of insane PR lifts with perfect form, but I can’t relate to that. It is comforting to know that there are others who struggle with the same things as me!
I get you.. totally. But I always try to put things into another perspective.
A coach told me recently the minute you start a thought with, “I should have..” or “But..” you need to stop.
I look at my progress over two years COMPARED TO other girls doing it for the same amount of time. Or others who are newer crushing things that I was once so proud of myself. But this is YOUR progress.
I was getting frustrated about something or other recently (I don’t remember the workout; but it was a pretty trivial thought), and TK pointed out, but look at the girls that look up to you. In my head, I’m sof ar from where I want to be and so far from some other girls, but there are so many people that aspire to do what I can do.
Those people commenting on your posts/facebook/instagram that don’t do Crossfit – probably DO look at you and think you’re freaking amazing. You PRed your snatch like 100# in a year. Ask a guy off the street to snatch that.
A guy like you might look up to your coach and think, wow, he’s snatching xxx; I wish I could do that. While your coach is looking at someone like Froning and thinking wow, I wish I could do that.. who might look up to Klokov and think wow, I wish I could do that. EVERYONE is always looking up to someone else!
I know you’re not looking for validation, but I know I always have to take a step back myself and realize how far I have come on my own journey quite often.!
jennifer recently posted…Crossfit Games Open 15.2: Can Regress indicate Progress?
I’d echo what Jennifer said too – you may feel like you’re not doing that well (I often do) but there are always people who wish they could do what you’re doing now.
I think some of the reason that I blog – even though I am, on an “average” day probably an “average” (or below) crossfitter – is that I’m hoping that someone could be where I was two years ago. Reading crossfit blogs, thinking it sounds fun, and get the courage up to finally go to fundamentals, to take it on. Because the beauty of crossfit is that you DON’T have to be above average. You can be anybody; that’s what I want people to take away.
Alex @ Alex Tries it Out recently posted…15.1 Recap – Deadlifts and Snatches and Jerks, Oh My!
I go along with those who say you’re “relate-able”. I’m doing the Open in the Masters Scaled division, and I’m below average there. Most of the time I’m good at not comparing myself to anyone else; I look at where I was and where I am now: “better than yesterday”!
For 99.999% of us, no matter what area we’re comparing ourselves in, there’s always going to be someone better. When looking at Crossfit performance, there are many factors out of our control–genetics, childhood experiences in sports, time, etc., that it really doesn’t do any of us good to try and compare ourselves to others.
Could I be in the top percent of Master’s Crossfitters? Maybe, if my parents had started me in gymnastics at age 4, if I didn’t have to work more-than-full-time, if I was taller… If I really had the desire and motivation to be in that top percent, I’d have to sacrifice other things that are important to me. Priorities!
And for what it’s worth, you look beast mode to me, pink pony notwithstanding!
Hi Chris, I’m from Knoxville and I Crossfit in Denver. (My husband’s second cousin was McGhee.. who the hero WOD is named after.) I’ve been reading your blog for a while and am totally in the same boat. I leave frustrated and mad at myself after a lot of the workouts for not doing better or getting technical movements, yet I’m back for another round and another round. It’s a crazy addiction, huh? Maybe, though, the average ones of us appreciate the (tinier) PRs more than those who are able to make it to that elite mode.
P.S. I think “pink pony mode” should totally be a thing.
I really enjoy what you write! Isn’t crossfit about being your best self and being better than you were yesterday? It’s YOUR beast mode!
I enjoy your blog because you are average (and I don’t mean that as an insult). Most of the Crossfitters out there are your everyday / average people. Some of us don’t even strive to be the elite. I enjoy Crossfit because it gives me a good workout and pushes me outside my comfort zone.
When I started Crossfit -your blog told me about the “real” Crossfit and gave me a better understanding of what I was getting myself into 🙂
Thank you for sharing your journey.
I read your blog.
I love your blog.
I share your blog with my box; a box my wife and I own half of with another couple just like ourselves.
Your blog is refreshing, honest and motivating. It is the only blog I subscribe to and unquestionably my favorite.
When I read and I see your pics., I feel like I’m looking at me, reading what I wrote. It’s akin to a diary for me. I read it and I scream “Hell yeah!” in my brain.
Keep doing what you are doing brother! Keep writing what you write and keep being who you are! It may be “average” to you but it’s damn inspirational and especially motivational for normal folks like me (and you) who love this sport as much as every Games athlete or Firebreather out there!
We love you man!
Aha. Yes. I totally get this.
This is the way I started looking at it, and it’s helped. CrossFit is Functional Fitness. That includes Functional Mental Fitness. CrossFit exposes physical weakness. CrossFit also exposes Mental weakness.
For example, if I think about it, CrossFit is not the only thing that makes me feel like a fraud.
Writing makes me feel like a fraud. “Why would someone read what I write? I don’t write well. What if they find out I don’t write well?”
My job makes me feel like a fraud. “Accounting is not that hard. I’m really good at what I do, but it’s not that hard. What if everyone finds out that I’m not really good at this?”
CrossFit makes me feel like a fraud. “Who am I to write about something that other people know more about? How can I write about improving my Fran time when I naturally move like a turtle? They must think I’m a fraud.”
See the pattern?
The truth is it’s easier to put yourself down than lift yourself up. It’s easier to be disappointed in yourself than proud of yourself. (well, for most people…) We feel this way about ourselves because it’s easier and more comfortable to believe that’s how we are.
Once I started looking at this like it’s a weakness, it was easier to work on it. I began to choose the harder route – complimenting myself.
Besides, not everyone can be awesome at CrossFit. For many reasons. But not everyone can write a blog that people enjoy reading.
And – honestly – who cares? I love CrossFit. It makes me happy and it makes me feel awesome. I love blogging. It makes me happy and it makes me feel awesome. Quite frankly, that is all the credentials I need.
See! Like this response! It was so much more eloquent in my head!
Jennifer recently posted…A Girl Walks Into a Box…
i’ve been trying to come to terms with my averageness as well, i’m never going to make it to reigonals, i’m not even going to win any even at my local box, even in your average WOD i’m at the tail end of the pack. But, there’s a difference between Crossfit, the sport; Crossfit, the community and Crossfit, the fitness methodology, and it’s the confusion between these that will cause frustration and disagreements. Take unsafe movements that border on a no-rep (staci trover’s deadlift, any one) – thats crossfit, the sport, in a sport you’re trying to win, at the limits of what you’re capable of, bad form doesn’t matter, so long as it’s counted. all that positivity? thats crossfit the community and a big reason why average joes like you and me still feel a part of crossfit, the community drives the passion; Crossfit the fitness methodology is really where the improvement comes from, sure you can’t compete, but as a friend explained to me, ‘fundamentally, the purpose of going to a Box, and doing the WOD is to see noticeable physical and mental improvements in performance’ everything else is really just padding, and wrapping. if you’re improving, thats all that counts.
Ken @ TripFit.co.uk recently posted…Reebok Crossfit Games Open 15.3 announced
Chris this post has the same undertones as the one you posted last year when you where out of work. I am a middle aged guy who has been doing Crossfit for couple years now, I also get discouraged when competing with guys half my age, come in last place in a 400 m run, unable to muscle ups etc, etc, etc. I am grateful to have coaches who can see past that and are there to help me get fitter faster stronger and not compared to others. I have to say that it is a struggle keep motivated because its way to easy to give up. Don’t be so hard on yourself enjoy the journey. I enjoy reading your blog and say to myself if only I could do what Chris has done. Cheers
It’s not about how good of a CrossFitter you are, it’s about the transformation, the highs and lows; the journey. You don’t have to be an elite level athlete to inspire others, you just have to be you. You have a great talent for writing and passion for CrossFit. No one is more fitting to have a CrossFit blog than you.
Shelly recently posted…15.2 Recap & The Infamous Muscle-Up Returns in 15.3
My .02…
I’d still rather be an “average” CrossFitter than a “beastly” couch-sitter. I’d rather read articles or blog posts about the normal every-Joe athlete struggles, than another “I want to play football for $100 million not the paltry $75 I was making…” article.
When we watch the Games or the Open announcements, or anything that is released on the YouTubes, those are usually the best of the best. I used to get caught up in how much they were lifting or how many reps they got and why I could never do it. But the reality is that most of us will never get there. And that’s okay because there’s still a whole crap-load of people who will never get to where we are. There’s a huge population that will never go outside to run, never lift anything heavier than a game controller, and never experience the joys of one last rep, one last cheer, one last high-five. To those people, seeing someone lift a bar with weights on it over there head IS beastly.
Blogs like yours and many of the ones you linked are encouraging & inspiring not because of the numbers or the photos but because of the normal, everyday, human beings behind them.
Sorry for the long comment. I just had a discussion about why I crossfit with someone & was a little fired up still…keep up the good work.
I don’t know about other people but I much prefer blogs about progress, passion, and poking fun at perfection. Sure, I have a few blogs I read about elite runners, but if that’s what I read all the time I’d probably get down on myself for only running 20-25 miles a week. And that would suck because to some people, running that much is a huge accomplishment! I love your blog because even though you’re “The 634567 Fittest Person In The World” haha, it’s good to be along for the journey and read your progress. Anyone with a passion for fitness is worth a read!
Lauren @ ihadabiglunch recently posted…Weekend happenings: hello, Spring!
You’re more like me, and yet better at writing, than some superstar. Your observations and experiences are thus far more relevant to my Crossfit life.
Best Regards,
-JW
John Wallace recently posted…SO LITTLE TIME IN A DAY
I said it before (on Instagram) and I’ll say it again and again and again until you start believing it. Beast Mode. Unless of course you really hate it, and it makes you uncomfortable even after hearing my explanation. In which case, I’ll quietly back off the beast mode comments, although not the blog because you’re intriguing, and I enjoy your writing.
My reasoning (and I promise it’s not to blow smoke):
1) That is some heavy ass weight to me. I don’t really follow a whole lot (or any) Cross Fitters, Weight Trainers, Fitness Comp people (surely this is not surprising) and I have no idea how much weight you’re lifting in the picture. It looks like a shitton though, and I am impressed.
2) Beast Mode is all mental. I use eight pound free weights for my bicep curls and I’m still a vanilla gorilla. At the end of the day, it’s not about the reps, the weight, the size, the bulk, the tone. It’s straight up mental game and believing you’ve got it, average and all. I’m average and I’m a rock star in my mind.
3) Instead of focusing on shortcomings (believe me every single person has them (I have no ass, like for real, no ass)), focus on the things you do appreciate about yourself. My neck is beautiful.
Chris – you might be average – but so are ALOT of us out here! Speaking for my self – I love reading about the struggle – the journey – because eventually -one day – there will be an above excellent victory!
Shashi at RunninSrilankan recently posted…Orange & Black Bean Stew
Oh goodness I’m right there with you. This morning we did 250m row repeats and instead of celebrating the killer splits I was getting I was too distraught with the ‘rolls’ of my tummy when I was rowing. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
Additionally I grew up as a national level swimmer so (not to sound conceited) I f*ing rocked at swimming, and I struggle daily with being average/below average at crossfit. But I do it because I love it. It challenges me physically and even moreso mentally. The community rules.
That’s why we do it.
karla @ finding my fit recently posted…Change
Know that feeling, I’m RUBBISH, but I’m fine with that.
I am consistently in the bottom 10% of the whiteboard BUT I know that’s the wrong comparison.
I don’t compare myself with the people IN the gym, but the people NOT in the gym. Got to be top 1% there.
And an extra 20 years on the 25 year olds in my place definitely is a hindrance, but I’m there and most other 44 year olds AREN’T so that’s that battle won every time I turn up.
And blogs about real people who are average or worse are much more informative,useful and entertaining than any beasts. Not interested in beasts. Beasts are boring.
tp recently posted…Wod 31-in which I learn I prefer RFT to AMRAP
I applaud you for what you are doing. You’re absolutely right; most 44 year olds are definitely not walking into a CrossFit box!
Beasts are boring… I like that. =)
It’s cross fit passion! Nothing competes harder for all of my senses at once. I have never had a affair… But, crossfit is close to my heart. Unfortunately, I have what I call villains … That try to rob me of the small progress, which are actually huge ( blood, sweat, tears, mental obsessions etc.) accomplishments. Physically, mentally, emotional villains will not keep me in fear of the wod( yes, I fear almost nothing except snakes… And I have actually had fear of the WOD) go tin man I tell myself! Lol. I will not be talked out of pushing until the very last rep! No I don’t want the clock to save me! I want to finish in a pool of blood, tears, sweat.. I am still a infant crossfitters… Which means I can crawl, cry, make messes… When I’m a toddler I will let you know! Keep out the Villians!
Ugh, snakes, they are the worst! I like your use of the word villain for things that sabotage a workout. I may have to borrow that in the future. =)