I wouldn’t call myself an average CrossFitter. If I’m being 110% honest, in my mind I am below average at CrossFit. There are times when I feel like such an oxymoron – me with this CrossFit blog when I’m really not that good at CrossFit. Why do I do this when half the things I post cause me some sort of embarrassment?
Here’s a fair warning – this post will probably ramble a bit. This is just me thinking out loud.
For being merely my fitness of choice, CrossFit sure does occupy many facets of my life. I spend time at my box. I write this CrossFit blog. I read articles and watch videos. Mobility. I devote chunks of my paycheck to new WOD gear. I interact with other CrossFitters on social media.
But, who am I to do all this? Who am I to share my story of my CrossFit journey when my journey is so mild?
Look at it this way. No one would watch “The Loser That Lost 15 Pounds While This Guy Lost Over 100”. No, it’s “The Biggest Loser”. No one would watch a sporting event to crown “The 69360th Fittest Person On Earth”. No, it’s “The Fittest Person On Earth”.
That makes me wonder… who the hell gives a damn about my CrossFitting?
I don’t have huge PRs. My metcon times are not blazing fast. No one will ever cheer when I take my shirt off.
In fact, I struggle with posting pictures and video on social media. I don’t have great technique. I’m not lifting massive weights. I don’t have an awesome physique. (Oh and let’s not forget I’m a huge introvert.) I’m, at the very best, average.
Who cares about average?
I absolutely am not looking for pity or a pat on the back, someone telling me that I’m good and special and blah blah blah. I know my place – I know I’m far from elite and will always remain that way. And most of the time, I’m totally cool with that. Participation ribbons are not part of life and I really do enjoy CrossFit, the community, everything about it.
99% of all feedback I get from this blog and from people at my box is positive and encouraging. I have written about my Open experience so far with 15.1 and 15.2. People gave me props for setting PRs in 15.1. I got lots of congrats for my improvement over 14.2 last year.
But the realist in me thinks yeah but you jerked such a light weight! You only managed 20 reps in 15.2! You call yourself a CrossFitter? You write a blog about CrossFit?!?
I don’t know how to turn those voices off. I’ve never had anyone tell me to shut up until I could lift some real weight. But, I hear it inside my head.
However, there is a definite dichotomy present in my mind; if I read about someone else going from 1 rep to 20 or for setting a bunch of personal records, I would absolutely cheer for them! I would offer them my congratulations and truly mean it when I said good job! Because that’s the CrossFit community, and even beyond CrossFit, that’s the person I am and I CAN see the success in those stories.
But coming from me, for myself… I don’t know. When I see myself or look at my records, I usually see the lacking first. I see the low scores and the light weights before I see progress or anything better than yesterday. I see the excess jiggle in my midsection and skinny arms over any strength assets.
So, what do I do? How do I look at myself in a better light? Should I even try to do that? Perhaps I should leave the camera at home, not worry about pictures, let this blog dwindle and die and just worry about myself privately. Because, really, who cares? Who is inspired by average?
Maintaining my 110% honesty policy with this post… my phone just notified me that someone left an IG comment of “Beast mode!!” on a photo of me doing a WOD. Like… really?? Why would they think I am anything remotely near beast mode? I’m like… pink pony mode. But I don’t think this person would say something just to blow smoke up my ass… do they really think what I did was beastly?
I just cannot see that.
I know people that can wake up and run a half marathon. Like normal people, not career athletes. Those people are beast mode! Literally, they can roll up to the starting line and say “I woke up like this.”
I feel like a false prophet on this blog at times, blaspheming about motivation and inspiration and working out when I know who I am and my abilities. I’m not always motivated. I’m average at best.
But then… what’s wrong with average? Doesn’t truly average mean that HALF of everyone I’m comparing myself to is “worse” than me? Does average have to be taboo, have to have a dark connotation? No! Of course not!
But… that’s not what I would tell myself. I would look at average strength tables and see that my lifts/times fall generally below average, even into the novice category. And yet I write a CrossFit blog. I present myself to the world and say “Hey, read all about me! Look at me! ME!!!”
I don’t think I would want to look at me.
I have no conclusion or message with this post. Just thoughts. Just truth. Thanks for reading all about me.